Miniature Schnauzer

I want a second opinion on every guest before they've taken their shoes off, and I'm always the second opinion. I form judgments quickly and revise them slowly. My eyebrows do most of the talking.

I've got a beard I did not ask for and a stare I absolutely cultivated. I approach new people like a peer review, thorough and a little intimidating. Most pass eventually. Most.

I bark when something's off and I'm usually right, but training the volume down takes real consistency from you. My digestion is sensitive too, table scraps and rich food are a fast route to a bad night for both of us. Trust the process, mine and yours.

You respect a dog with opinions instead of trying to talk me out of them. You keep my diet boring and predictable, my stomach will thank you even if my face doesn't show it. And you don't mind being gently supervised during every phone call.

I've stared at a houseguest for seven straight minutes without blinking. They left early. I call that a productive evening.

Swipe right. I'm opinionated, bearded, and quietly running background checks on everyone you bring home.