Miniature Dachshund

Someone who doesn't ask why I'm shaped like this, going down badger tunnels is what I was made for, this is a feature. I want a human who respects the tunnel legacy even though the closest I get now is under the sofa. Digging is not optional.

I'm significantly longer than I'm tall, and I've made peace with the furniture-adjacent jokes decades before you thought of them. I dig, I burrow, I disappear under blankets with alarming commitment. My stubbornness is proportional to absolutely nothing about my size.

My spine is genuinely at risk, no jumping off furniture and no stairs without support, disc problems are common and serious in my breed. I can pack on weight fast too given the long back, so keep my portions in check. Respect the shape or pay the vet bill.

You block the sofa jumps and carry me down stairs without making it weird. You keep my weight in check because my spine has zero margin for error. And you're patient with a stubborn streak that outweighs my actual weight considerably.

Fighting badgers underground was the whole point of me, once. I've personally never met a badger. I remain, theoretically, ready.

Swipe right. I'm long, stubborn, and built for a job that no longer exists.